Yes, Drill Sargeant!

So I joined LA Fitness. Closer to my house, only a few bucks more a month than 24 hour. The good folks there provide a free hour of personal training when you join, and although it's mainly used for a sales pitch, it's a nice gesture. So, when the phone call came asking if I wanted to schedule my free hour I thought 'gee, why not!' and signed up for a Saturday afternoon. Now, I'm gonna be honest here and say that I'm not in the best shape of my life. But even knowing and taking full responsibility for that, I was not prepared for the hour and a half that came with my personal trainer for the day. We'll call him Captain Makesureshedoesn'twalk, or Cap'n for short. Now, Cap'n is sitting across from me at this desk filling out this survey (how serious are you, where did you belong before etc) and at some point casually mentions he's in the ARMY RESERVES. I knew, at that precise moment, that I was done for.

I made the mistake of suggesting lower body as my first workout. Although, considering the work horse I had I don't think it would have mattered. At all. For the next hour or so, Cap'n pushes my muscles to their complete outer limits. In my head I'm screaming 'IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY PLEASE STOP THIS GUY' and Cap'n is saying 'keep going, two more'. I proceed to shock myself at how far I really can be pushed, knowing all the while that I would regret testing such limits. Cap'n said I would feel it the next day and probably even curse him for it.

I felt it about ten minutes after we stopped.

About an hour after I got home, I knew that I'd need to keep the legs moving or they would lock up entirely. So, I took a walk to Target across the street and browsed through the aisles until I felt like people might expect me to start shoplifting. Then I took a drive to my parents house and refused to sit, stretching every chance I could. I came home and immediately sat on the floor and stretched more, but I knew it was no use. My legs had gone to their limit and the muscles were seriously P.O'd at me.

Thankfully, they had some grace for me on Sunday morning. They must have known I was singing at church and would be standing for some time. And, thanks to the newest trend in shoes, I was able to wear ballet flats and feel no strain from heels. However, I did start to notice a gradual increase in tension throughout the middle of my quad during the afternoon. So much so, that I dismissed all evening activities to stretch and lather up on Icy Hot.

Monday. As if Mondays aren't bad enough. People asked me if I was ok, if I had gotten hurt; was there an accident? No, no. The lockjaw effect had grabbed hold of my upper leg muscles and I had no choice but to....waddle. I looked like a cross between a penguin and a pregnant lady in her final days, struggling to walk normal and desperately trying to save face. Each time I would sit down, I had to hold on with both hands to something heavy enough and sturdy enough to hold me, but when I needed to get up, all the progress I had made from walking earlier was gone and my legs were stiff as boards once again.

Needless to say, I can once again walk (with a slight limp) and even returned to the gym tonight for an evaluation (yah, just what I wanted, more proof of my lacking health). Cap'n was there, ready as ever, pushing me to the max and testing my strength. Turns out, I'm actually decently strong. Saturday I start sessions with a new guy. Cap'n said he's gonna make sure I get pushed hard. Which means Monday I won't have use of my upper body and my limbs will be close to falling off.

And I'm paying for all this?!?!