No Badge For Me

The big decisions in life are just that- big. They can decide a new future, new lifestyles, new perspectives. They can be terrifying or exciting, scary or fantastic. No matter what, they come and need to be dealt with.

Sometimes I think I can handle them with no problem. I welcome the idea of change and assume that I am equipped to take on life's curve balls. Then they come. And when they do come, they aren't your normal, average curve balls. These ones come swift and hard. All of my confidence in dealing with a huge decision ends up hiding somewhere and I'm left wondering what to do next.

For the most part, I am pretty prone to make the practical, smart, logical decision. When I do, I feel peace knowing that I've weighed out the options and have come to a conclusion that will be beneficial. Prayer always gives me that extra boost of comfort, I make my choice and move on. But over the last week, none of the usual symptoms and outcomes fell into place. I was a nervous wreck, completely unable to determine what the right choice was, even after prayer and conversations with people. I felt out of place, uncomfortable, uneasy, and completely confused. The peace that normally comes with the practical and logical just wasn't coming, and the more time went on, I felt less sure about it. When it came time for the decision, I had to make the mental pro and con list. When it came down to it, the choice was 98% clear, and I went for it.

This time, it wasn't the practical, smart, logical choice. Far from it. My reasons may not fit conventional logic, but to me they were the ones that would be better in the long run and I would feel happier after the fact. If I had gone the other way, I know I would have second guessed the choice, and that speaks volumes to me. I can't make a decision simply because on the surface it makes sense. The decision needs to be right for me, and deep down I knew it wasn't. It took a while for the words to come up and make sense in my brain, but once they did it was clear I had made the right choice.

I know that it will still be something that in the smallest corner of my mind I wonder about, but now my slate is wide open and ready for something even better. Any suggestions? :)